I have struggled with writing this post for weeks. There is so much to say and so many bunny trails I could travel down. But I will attempt to keep it as concise and focused as I can.
Many of you may not have realized it, but I do not own my own home. The house you see ( and the furniture and decor that I haven't DIY-ed or bought for my blog) is my mom's. I do my best to stage everything as best as I can to fully portray my style and my vision, but it isn't always easy (or fun). Right now I'm unable to share what I'm fully capable of...and that is hard. There are days when my heart is just not into creating another project for the sake of creating. I would love to be making something because it is going to have a valued place in my home.
Lately, I've been struggling more and more with not having my own space for my blog. I'm all about living an authentic life yet here I am creating one for you to see here. Displays I create don't normally stay that way once my camera is turned off. Furniture is moved to suit the situation. And so much is kept out of the world I design here.
I know deep down that most of the problems I face blogging, the questions I continually ask myself, and the doubts that creep in stem from this situation. My ability to blog is being hindered by the fact that I cannot be as completely open and honest as I'd like while still maintaining a consistent style.
My ultimate dream is to get a total fixer upper and renovate it to be totally me...on a budget of course. I would take you step by step right with me showing everything that you could do to renovate and design your home from the room itself to the furniture and accessories. You'd learn everything you'd need to know to create a house that is totally you. This would be the same anderson + grant...only better. There would be a book. There would be magazine features. It's a big dream.
I believe inside each one of us is a dream for how and where we want to live. That is why we read Better Homes & Gardens, watch HGTV, and spend countless moments browsing ideas on the internet. We want to make things a little better, but it is easier to let ourselves believe that we are stuck where we are.
I've got to admit that part of the joy of browsing Pinterest, flipping thru home decor mags and tuning into an episode of Fixer Upper is taken away when you have the desire to design but no canvas to work with. It would be like shopping for a wedding dress when you're not even dating. A little fun and dreamy at first, but eventually the enjoyment wears off and you come crashing back down to reality.
I love my blog and sharing with you. And I'm seeing more and more everyday that this is what I'm being called to do...even if it is not under the exact circumstances that I desire. I just wish that I had the ability to fully show you what I could do. Instead I am contained in a box that I've created.
Since starting this blog over two years ago I've struggled to come up with a tagline to describe my blog. Miss Mustard Seed's is Move Mountains in Your Home. City Farmhouse has Living a Modern Country Life One Project at a Time. Other bloggers have different taglines, but my mind is drawing a blank at the moment.
Nothing I thought of ever felt right for me, though. Nothing would stick. Until a few weeks ago when I was painting a project out on the sunny deck. It finally dawned on me that what I strive to teach is how to create things that resemble the popular trends without spending a lot of money. I take items from Goodwill and create something from Pottery Barn. I dig thru things I already have and don't use and repurpose them into something useful. I transform things that most people consider to be too far gone into useful pieces for the home. While the idea has gotten more focused this year, the whole basis for anderson + grant has been to make the best out of what you have.
I'm sharing this today because the last time I was open and honest an amazing thing happened. I got an overwhelming response of real heartfelt comments and emails....encouraging me and sharing in my pain. It wasn't just that people were acknowledging that I was having problems, but you were all explaining how you were feeling as well. It was one of the first times that I've felt like there was real conversation happening....like we are all struggling through this world together. And what came out of all that was a some comfort and not just for myself. It wasn't long after that great things started to happen in the life of this blog and it opened my eyes to the idea that sharing my problems with you could help us all.
And as I struggle with not being able to be completely authentic with you, please know that it is the situation I'm in and I'm trying too make the best of it for now. I'm praying hard that I can get some answers that I've been seeking for quite some time. But problems are not always solved as quickly as we would like.
There are some exciting projects coming up in the coming months here, and like it or not the fall and Christmas seasons are approaching which bring a lot of inspiration and creativity. Things will be continuing just as they have been here.....I just wanted today to be about honesty and opening up to give you a little glimpse of the behind-the-scenes of my blog.
So now I want to hear from you.....what is your biggest struggle at the moment? What problem are you facing that is holding you back from living as completely and authentically as you can?
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